Motherhood is often portrayed as a blissful journey, filled with love, laughter, and the warmth of family life. But what if your experience doesn’t match this ideal? If you’re struggling to enjoy motherhood, you’re not alone. Research from the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) reveals that half of women surveyed experienced a mental health or emotional issue during pregnancy or postnatally, which can impact their ability to find happiness in early motherhood. So, what’s really going on here?

Motherhood is a complex experience that can bring joy but also frustration, exhaustion, and sadness. Let’s explore why this happens and some supportive steps you can take.

Why You May Not Be Enjoying Motherhood

Changes in the Brain

During pregnancy and after childbirth, a mother’s brain undergoes dramatic changes. Studies show that brain regions linked to empathy, emotional regulation, and vigilance become more active, a process researchers believe helps mothers adapt to their new role. However, these brain changes can also make you more sensitive to stress and emotional triggers, which may lead to feelings of overwhelm or anxiety. This can make it challenging to feel the joy and fulfilment that many expect.

Sleep Deprivation

Chronic sleep deprivation is almost synonymous with new motherhood, and it’s no small matter. Lack of sleep has a direct impact on emotional regulation, patience, and decision-making. Research has shown that people who don’t get enough rest are more prone to mood swings, irritability, and anxiety. It’s no wonder that, on top of the constant demands of a newborn, the exhaustion can cloud any enjoyment.

Unrealistic Expectations

We live in a world of idealised images of motherhood – the perfectly clean home, the always-smiling mum, the peaceful baby. When reality doesn’t match these expectations, it’s easy to feel like we’re failing. This dissonance between expectation and reality can make even everyday challenges feel like setbacks, feeding feelings of guilt or inadequacy. Cognitive behavioural science refers to this as cognitive dissonance, the mental strain of conflicting beliefs, which can affect our well-being.

Loss of Identity

For many women, motherhood brings a significant shift in identity. It can feel as though your individuality has become submerged under the responsibilities of caring for a baby, leading to a loss of the person you once were. This loss can lead to a low mood and sense of aimlessness, especially if you feel that there’s little time for self-care or activities that make you feel like “you.”

Postpartum Mental Health Challenges

It’s important to acknowledge that for some, this period brings more than just adjustment; it brings genuine mental health struggles like postpartum depression (affecting up to 15% of mothers) or postpartum anxiety. These conditions can make it difficult to experience positive feelings and are often accompanied by persistent sadness, worry, or detachment from your baby. If you’re concerned about any of these symptoms, a healthcare professional can provide support and appropriate treatment.

What You Can Do About It

1. Embrace Realistic Expectations

Letting go of perfectionism can be one of the best things you do for yourself as a mum. Instead of striving to do everything perfectly, aim for “good enough” – whether that’s in your housekeeping, baby care, or self-care. Giving yourself permission to ease up can bring much-needed relief, freeing you from the pressure of doing it all. Shifting your expectations takes practice, but each small step toward self-acceptance can make a big difference.

2. Prioritise Small, Enjoyable Moments for Yourself

While a full day of self-care may be impossible, small moments just for you are achievable and can lift your spirits. Research from neuroscience shows that these small acts of self-care stimulate the brain’s reward systems, helping to foster positive emotions. Whether it’s a brief walk in the fresh air, a quiet cup of tea, or even five minutes of focused breathing, these moments help recharge you.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Many mums are quick to forgive others but tend to be hardest on themselves. Practicing self-compassion can be a powerful tool for improving your mental health. According to research from Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion studies, being kind to ourselves boosts resilience and lowers stress. learning to treat yourself with kindness, especially on tough days, builds inner strength and helps you meet challenges with more patience and self-acceptance.

4. Understand Your New Mindset

Navigating the emotions of early motherhood can be complex, and gaining insight into your new mindset can help. Understanding how your emotions and thoughts impact your experience can empower you to create a positive outlook on motherhood. Learning to reframe unhelpful thoughts and adopt healthier ones takes time but can help you feel more at ease, confident, and open to enjoying each stage.

5. Reach Out And Talk About It

Sharing your feelings with others, whether friends, family, or fellow mums, can be a huge relief. It’s easy to feel isolated, but you’re not alone. Many mums go through these same feelings, and finding a supportive community can help you feel connected and understood.

6. Seek Professional Help When Needed

If the challenges you’re facing feel too big to handle on your own, remember that reaching out for support is a strength, not a weakness. Mental health issues like postpartum depression or anxiety are highly treatable, and a healthcare professional can provide the guidance you need to get back to feeling more like yourself. The tools and support offered by professionals, including those provided in programmes like The Happy Mum Programme, can make a world of difference.

Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy Can Really Help

Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy (CBH) is a powerful approach that combines cognitive behavioural techniques which are reinforced with hypnotherapy. CBH has been shown to reduce anxiety, manage unhelpful thoughts, and provide tools for resilience – all of which are invaluable in motherhood. By incorporating CBH techniques, such as mindful breathing, positive visualisation, and reframing negative thoughts, you can build resilience to face the daily challenges with a new mindset. The Happy Mum Programme integrates CBH, guiding mums to reclaim a sense of peace, joy, and confidence in their role.

Final Thoughts

If you’re not enjoying motherhood as much as you’d hoped, please know that you’re far from alone. Motherhood can be rewarding, but it’s also a time of huge adjustment, with both physical and mental changes. Through self-compassion, community, and accessible resources like The Happy Mum Programme, you can create an experience of motherhood that’s authentic and meaningful. And remember, if you’re struggling, reaching out for professional help can be the first step toward reclaiming your well-being. Motherhood doesn’t have to be perfect – you are already doing wonderfully just by being there for your little one.

Not Enjoying Motherhood? Here’s Why It’s More Common Than You Think – And What You Can Do About It.