Being A Good Enough Mum: Why Perfect Isn’t The Goal

As mums, it’s so easy to get caught in the trap of trying to be perfect. The pressure comes from all sides—social media, well-meaning advice from others, and even our own internal critic.

But here’s the thing: Perfectionism isn’t just exhausting; it’s harmful. A study by the University of Bath found that perfectionist mums are more likely to experience anxiety, burnout, and even depression. And the kicker? It doesn’t actually make us better parents. Striving for perfection can create a tense, stressful home environment that affects everyone.

So, maybe it’s time to give ourselves a break.

The Beauty of Being 'Good Enough'

Here’s some good news: research by developmental psychologist Donald Winnicott introduced the concept of the “good enough mother” back in the 1950s. He found that children don’t need perfect parents. In fact, imperfections help kids grow. When we’re not perfect, we teach our children resilience, problem-solving, and the ability to handle life’s inevitable challenges.

Being ‘good enough’ means:

• Loving your child unconditionally, even when you’re having a tough day.

• Meeting their needs most of the time, not every single second.

• Showing them it’s okay to make mistakes – and how to recover from them.

And, trust me, they’ll still adore you whether dinner is homemade or straight out of the freezer.

Why Being "Good Enough" Is More Than Enough

When you let go of perfection, something magical happens. You create space for connection, resilience, and joy. Your children don’t need a mum who gets everything right—they need a mum who’s present, who makes mistakes, and who shows them how to handle life’s ups and downs.

Children learn so much from watching how we handle imperfection. When you forget to pack their PE kit or burn the toast, you’re teaching them that it’s okay to make mistakes. When you apologise or laugh it off, you’re modelling how to move forward with grace and self-compassion.

Practical Tools to Embrace 'Good Enough'

1. Now, let’s get into the practical side of things. How can we actually let go of perfectionism and embrace being ‘good enough’? Here are some tools to try:

   1. Challenge the "Perfect Mum Myth": Ask yourself: Who am I trying to impress? Is this standard even realistic? Journaling your answers can help you realise how much of the pressure comes from outside expectations rather than what’s truly important to you and your family.

   2. Set Priorities: Focus on what really matters. Ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year?” For example, if your child’s birthday cake is shop-bought instead of handmade, will they care? Probably not. What they’ll remember is the love and fun of the day.

   3. Practice Self-Compassion: When you feel that familiar guilt creeping in, try this simple phrase: “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.” Research by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion, shows that being kinder to ourselves reduces stress and increases resilience.

   4. Adopt the 80/20 Rule: You don’t have to get everything right 100% of the time. Aim for 80% instead. It’s more realistic and will still lead to a happy, healthy family.

   5. Embrace the Mess: Whether it’s a messy house or messy emotions, let go of the idea that everything needs to be tidy and perfect. Life is messy – and that’s okay. Let your kids see you cope with it rather than hide it.

A Quick Reality Check

Here’s a little perspective shift: When you look back on your childhood, do you remember whether the house was spotless or if your mum cooked gourmet meals? Or do you remember the hugs, the laughter, and the feeling of being loved? Your kids will feel the same.

Also, let’s not forget that kids are incredibly forgiving. You’re human, and they don’t need super mum – they just need YOU.

A Final Thought

If you take one thing from this, let it be this: you are already enough. Good enough doesn’t mean settling or failing. It means showing up with love, doing your best, and knowing that’s what your family truly needs.

Remember, you’re raising amazing little humans, and they think you’re doing a great job – even on the days when you feel like you’re not.

So, give yourself permission to let go of perfectionism and embrace the beauty of being good enough. You deserve it. And if you need a little extra support, don’t forget that The Happy Mum Programme is here for you. You’re never alone in this journey.

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